بمعنى معاناة

by Fatima.H

ظَهْر بمعنى
my back fucking hurts       
ظَهَرَ بمعنى
debilitation surfaced our biggest issues       
ظُهْر بمعنى
on days I had no one I had no choice but to pray       
ظَهْر بمعنى
tried telling you lift with your legs, not my back       
ظَهَرَ بمعنى
never blamed you until I found out how you coped with my pain       
ظُهْر بمعنى
once I have no shadows I can stomach forgiving myself       
ظَهْر بمعنى
it gets old having to constantly watch your back       
ظَهَرَ بمعنى
can’t tell if you keep appearing or my thoughts summon you       
ظُهْر بمعنى
if I make it halfway through the day I can make it to bed       
ظَهْر بمعنى
the world is designed for spineless people       
ظَهَرَ بمعنى
I manifest my next apartment an accessible paradise       
ظُهْر بمعنى
and for a moment the sun shines directly above me       
ظَهْر بمعنى
I set my hijama intentions and drain the blood you drowned me in       
ظَهَرَ بمعنى
my brain fog is finally starting to clear up       
ظُهْر بمعنى
when my rage subsides I remember to pray for you       
وظَهْر بمعنى
since my back let me dance again, I haven’t stopped       

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Fatima.H is a queer Iraqi poet with a master’s in public health. They have served as a poetry reader for Winter Tangerine and were a 2019 RAWI WHAAS fellow. Their work can be found in Rusted Radishes, written in the sand at Belle Isle, and buried in their notes app. 

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